ID Grabbed by Quote :
859 lacrimosus <Primesauce> I'm going to sit on El-Dubb's lap while we watch porn together.
858 lacrimosus <dolemite8> mandalorians are bangalorians teeming with mitichlorians
857 timotab <CityGirl> TIL that if you stand in front of the elevator, but don't push the call button...your chances of getting an elevator are SiGNIFICANTLY reduced.
856 derpa <jennn> My penis is bigger than all of yours. And blacker than el Dubb's.
855 drewn3ss <jennn> I have pastry puff nipples. Puffy and flaky.
854 derpa <jennn> And for your information, my vaginal discharge hasn't made anybody vomit. Yet.
853 Chank <sewpmeister> jennn: Let me put this in a language you'll understand: "The effect of jennn's vaginal discharge affected Ben Affleck so much, he vomited then immediately committed suicide."
852 timotab <lacrimosus> apparently baslisks has had 5 sheep?
851 timotab <baslisks> normally people worry about their tits
850 funkyb <baslisks> jennn hide your menstruation
849 Muskett <drewn3ss> baslisks: I love meaningless sex with red headed dwarfs!
848 TheGodComplex <bundtkate> It's times like these when I realize I'm probably a lot more virginal than I may have perviously believed.
847 sewpmeister <jennn> #rstl is not your emotional tampon
846 TheGodComplex <entangledphoton_> spif: You can... I can also drink drano, but it seems really fucking stupid if I want to live a good quality life
845 TheGodComplex <sewpmeister> I want something original and unique and interesting. I don't care about romantic. Really, I want to give her something she can post to Reddit for her cakeday for karma... that's what she wants most.
844 TheGodComplex <bundtkate> I'm the opposite, lacri|nohomro. I only selectively use my right hand. Even tho i'm right handed. Weird, I know.
843 funkyb <CityGirl> I like wanker
842 drewn3ss <CityGirl> I'm not a hippie hater, but I do wish they would bathe more and ask before they put spit on me.
841 spif <CityGirl> Boobs, man. Like they're natural and stuff.
840 spif <CityGirl> I was very close to whacking a hippie
839 spif <CityGirl> I had anonymous hippie spit on my finger!
838 spif <TheGodComplex> ...That was the single most awful thing to ever happen to humankind. Having to sneeze in the middle of eating oatmeal? What kind of ginger worshipper would wish that on me
837 spif <drewn3ss> with the right amount of rohypnol and location,location,location, he's got time to wife about 500 women in that time.
836 Merlin00 <soupmeister> Jesus Christ, guys, I'm no n00b. I just moved my network over to kitkatkaytee's place and haven't set the router up for port forwarding yet.
835 lacrimosus <CityGirl> I feel like ep_net would totally do a bend over the hood shot
834 lacrimosus <Muskett> Wang's Bent Hanger Daycare
833 TheGodComplex <timotab> The reason mongooses don't fly: only one carrion per passenger.
832 dolemite8 <misspwnie> WHAT KIND OF PENIS SOUP GOD DAMNIT
831 spif <CityGirl_STL> someday, I'm going to be off the dope
830 derpa <drewn3ss> sea cucumbers are rad...and feel like ocean penises
829 lacri|work <derpa> it's bloody seafood vomit in a bottle
828 lacri|work <DrDinosaur> Man, I would totally put out for a homemade chicken pot pie. Well, maybe not fully put out, but I would at least eat a girl out for it. That's good enough, right?
827 entangledphoton_ <DrDinosaur> I only give blowjobs to people I love.
826 spotmonk <TheGodComplex> Have a lot of unprotected sex and share your needles.
825 lacri|fwork <CityGirl> Isn't his bum like a wee peach?
824 lacri|fwork <DeliriumTremens> same old, tickling grundles, etc
823 girk|work <bundtkate> Nutella is totally worth getting the poops. I support all consumption of Nutella regardless of future potential butthole related stressed.
822 lacri|fwork <girk|work> GO POKE YOURSELF ENTANGLEDPHOTON
821 memmek2k <lacri|fwork> Jocefus: I did already take care of myself in the bathroom at work, so I guess that counts as debauchery.
820 misspwn_ <monkers> anyway, that was not very fun, but it was quick ! )
819 lacri|fwork <DrDinosaur> Yup, I've looked in every drawer in my lab. Apparently there are no fucks here. I should tell my manager to order the lab some more fucks.
818 Merlin00 <jennn> I like big guys. Cause then when we're having sex their gut smacks me in the clit or the ass depending on position.
817 drewn3ss <jennn> Stop talking about my gaping wet vagina of huge monstrosity. Not my fault! God made me this way and I'm beautiful!
816 funkyb <spotmonk> when I masturbate I like to imagine me and bundtkate wearing matching pairs of these (nsfwish)
815 memmek2k <jennn> El Dubb can ram his head up my vagina anytime.
814 DeliriumTremens <dudas> memmek i fully support your right to stick things up your butt.
813 lacri|meeting <entangledphoton_> girl, I think my butt gettin big
812 derpa <asimplefreak> the blood just adds so much to the overall experience
811 funkyb <lacri|work> please, share your meat with me.
810 derpa <TheGodComplex> I am envious of your meat.
809 misspwn <CityGirl> baslisks that's HUGE!
808 funkyb <TheGodComplex> Just because one can do worse does not mean one should settle.
807 CityGirl <Camerongoogly> St Louis is the STD capital of the Midwest... the Clapital, if you will
806 CityGirl <Camerongoogly> if you don't want them sticking anything into your penis, you shouldn't be sticking your penis into anything
805 ep_net <DrDinosaur> As a doctor and a dinosaur, I assure you that 4 weeds will turn you gay.
804 lacrimosus <El Dubb> meh, celibacy is fine with me
803 DeliriumTremens <jennn> I have been lucky in the herpes department. I mean, after getting it.
802 entangledphoton_ <jennn> Men. You have no idea what the vagina is capable of.
801 funkyb <jennn> My vagina is wet. I wonder if I've started my period. I'm too lazy to check.
800 kitkatkaytee <El Dubb> yeah, but still. It's funny to imagine a bizarro world where roles were reversed and a whole bunch of brits were complaining about sun burn out in the fields
799 Lapper <Chankster> I LOST MY HAT
798 funkyb <jennn> My Pan looks like he could lay some pipe. Rawr!
797 drewn3ss <memmek2k> Lapper: You have it backwards. You're the one not expanding the horizons of nipple ornamentation
796 kitkatkaytee <jennn> rikkitikki Not every man is willing to venture into my vagina.
795 Pb_ft|work <jennn> God, I would eat a penis burrito. I would even dress up as a homeless person to make this happen.
794 lacri|work_ <entangledphoton_> So we get penis hats and boob hats?
793 spotmonk <jennn> Sounds like my sex life. Difficult and frustrating with a smattering of satisfying.
792 Pb_ft|work <entangledphoton_> The customer is nearly always an entitled asshole
791 entangledphoton_ <lacri|work> entangledphoton_: your penis always makes me smile..
790 drewn3ss <entangledphoton_> When everyone has herpes, no one has herpes!
789 DeliriumTremens <lacri|work> dingle arm you say?
788 dolemite8 <lacri|work> I dunno, I am pretty good at feeling out ripe avocados.
787 derpa <CityGirl_> I used to volunteer in the maternity ward of a hospital. I would rock all the babies.
786 derpa <baslisks_> I need more face holes.. I need testicles to do it
785 funkyb <rikkitikki> yeah, I go in and out
784 memmek2k <Obama> You're welcome, DeliriumTremens
783 misspwn <DeliriumTremens> opened new container and it just SPLOOSH all over my shirt and shoes
782 kitkatkaytee <jennn> Stopp grabbing me kitkatkaytee
781 kitkatkaytee <jennn> I can't imagine the lines at ihop all for free Pancakes. I'd rather just go to a stripclub as some of those girls are sporting flapjacks on their chests.
780 misspwn <funkyb> sure soupmeister, and if you get some cartos I'll fill them up with whatever you want from my juice
779 ep_net <Primesauce> ep_net, I'm already making a list of all the fun things we can put in your anus
778 memmek2k <El Dubb> Ryxeria seems to be expert at butt things
777 ep_net <Ryxeria> and who knows what I'll be sticking into you
776 timotab <lacri|work> I spent the whole time thinking of sitting on penises?
775 derpa <DrDinosaur> Fine, I'll let you have your penis back. For now.
774 memmek2k <entangledphoton> Primesauce: can you move? I need to use my penis now.
773 lacri|meeting <bundtkate> I feel like my fantasy life is being decided for me and I'm upset it doesn't include a herd of corgis and a sexy hockey player.
772 funkyb <bundtkate> I'm used to not having a golden toilet seat, but if someone gave me one and then took it away, it would still be rude. >.>
771 entangled|home <Primesauce> I'm the gay chicken king.
770 lacrimosus <ep_net> rifles are the ultimate tequila delivery system
769 poisomike87 <TheGodComplex> She'll be crawling all up in those dark tunnels, baslisks|work .
768 lacrimosus <DrDinosaur> LACRI GOT EIFFEL TOWERED WITHOUT ME?!
767 spif <lacrimosus> this is the first time I've had more than 1 person at a time since living here
766 DeliriumTremens <misspwn> you shoulda snowballed her in the face
765 memmek2k <soupmeister> Great, now I have a tired and sitting down too long boner.
764 Chankster^ <lacrimosus> alcohol and naked women are the only reason to go to illinois
763 entangledphoton <lacri|work> "There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him, but most of all, ice cubes" Prov 6:16
762 timotab <axe9|work> Is it weird that I find sex itself fun and interesting enough, even after four years with the same women, that I have no desire to go all wild? Alyssa has expressed the same feeling as well
761 Merlin00 <entangledphoton> I love hard nipples
760 dolemite8 <lacri|work> TIL entangledphoton went to the spotmonk school of making women sit in ice filled bathtubs before sex
759 timotab <derpa> i'm more concerned about poon deployment
758 Evin <Ryxeria> morning wood is great, means half the work's already done for me
757 El Dubb <derpa> Penis Bleeds From Tough Wanking, Or Raping Kids
756 lacri|work <soupmeister> All bowties are equipped with a motor so they can be used to instantly hypnotize anyone who poses a threat.
755 doctorsound|work <Chank> im dum
754 ||cw <DeliriumTremens> 08:24 * memmek2k can vouch for Primesauce. he gives good back alley handies.
753 Chank <||cw> entangledphoton: they might paint you asswell, or they might paint you asspoorly
752 Chank <lacri|work> I kind of prefer porn to most art
751 DeliriumTremens <axe9|work> Oh man, I just farted by the copier... and it smelled like death
750 funkyb <El Dubb> I have so many downvotes to give this morning
749 derpa <bundtkate> Like prostitutes except with on purpose babies.
748 axe9|work <DeliriumTremens> Pee on anything that smells like cat pee, then pee directly on Daisy to assert dominance.
747 DeliriumTremens <Bizarrosauce> Ryxeria is the best.
746 DeliriumTremens <derpa> entangledphoton: this is my penis, there are many like it but this one is mine. Without me, my penis is useless. Without my penis, i am useless!
745 spif <dolemite8> i plan to be cremated, made into a cajun butter injection, get injected into a turducken that's then humped by john madden, then shot into space
744 ds_sp00k <spif> frying turkey only works because frying anything works
743 lacrimosus <TheGodComplex> "And next up is, by request, That Other Group of Chickens, singing their classical rendition of CLUCK yOU!"
742 funkyb <spotmonk> sweet and sour sauce on my pussy
741 entangledhome <El Dubb> why must the IRS, as directed by Congress, grind my gears?
740 lacrimosus <Primesauce> Immortality is for losers.
739 doctorsound <monkers> Your fallacy is you disagreed with monkers.
738 memmek2k <spif> Ryxeria: would you rather print fake nipples with a 3D printer or fleshy nipples with a bioprinter?
737 lacri|work <Jocefus> Penises in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
736 derpa <baslisks|work> always getting distracted by packages
735 entangledphoton_ <DrDinosaur> If I could date any woman in this chan, it would be entangledphoton_.
734 lacri|notworking <derpa> soft skin, plucked eyebrows, perky breasts... entangledphoton_ is the total package
733 lacri|notworking <DrDinosaur> derpa, same here. I mean, I have to be at least 60% sure she's a woman before I'll take her home.
732 memmek2k <Jocefus> dunno what the point is to getting a new hymen, just so the next dude can plow through it like the koolaid man?
731 DeliriumTremens <dolemite8> Because when you disrespect one mutha, you disrepectin' muthas all ovah the whorl
730 dolemite8 <lacri|meeting> a masturbating spiderman is *always* the correct response.
729 entangledphoton_ <DrDinosaur> Did she suck your dick? Because I would suck your dick for an open bar and free food.
728 axe9|work <memmek2k> Dildos and bowties, DrDinosaur
727 axe9|work <DrDinosaur> Dildos are a sometimes treat, god damn it!
726 memmek2k <DrDinosaur> DeliriumTremens, not everything needs to have a dildo on it.
725 misspwn <doctorsound> Us growers don't run into that issue.
724 ||cw <lacri|work> if you come with us, I will definitely take a picture of your tits
723 timotab <rikkitikki> Are we trading boobs?
722 lacri|work <derpa> bearing a load on one's penis is much better, i'm sure, than loading a bear on one's penis
721 TheGodComplex <dmonkers> i use the terms "penis" and "butt" and i've gotten along well enough.
720 DrDinosaur <soupmeister> I'm tired of my throat feeling like I deep throated a cactus.
719 Ladysauce <El Dubb> lady sauce is perfectly natural
718 Pb_ft|work <||cw> can she mambo pamby in the banana patch?
717 DeliriumTremens <Primesauce> How many pool balls can she fit in her mouth?
716 doctorsound <derpa> never rub another man's rhubarb
715 _misspwn <DeliriumTremens> h8u DTbot
714 lacri|work <derpa> hire a midget with a dirk to guard your stuff
713 soupmeister <monkers> they need to bring back the fuckin care bears... cause niggas dont even care no more.
712 _misspwn <axe9|work> We should probably block everything ehre at work, our pipe is small
711 entangledphoton <introspectr3> have you ever destroyed a website though lacri|work? it really could give statutory rape a run for its money.
710 lacrimosus <entangledphoton> I like my women dirty and used
709 misspwn <Chank> ive got a super hard bar that your mom survives on
708 entangledphoton <lacri|work> I will play with you entangledphoton !
707 lacri|work <entangledphoton> there were no peg legs and no pegging. There was rum though
706 DeliriumTremens <DrAntula> or a true lies 2. where jamie lee curtis does nothing but hang out and eat activia.
705 lacri|work <entangledphoton> I'm so gonna date her while she's gone.
704 entangledphoton <bundtkate> It would be lung rape. Millions of people would be forced to inhale a small part of entangledphoton's dick.
703 lacri|work <DrDinosaur> Screw WoW, join entangledphoton and me as we dance in the streets.
702 girk|work <lacri|work> also how crazy would that be, you are about get get it on with someone, pull off their shirt and BLAM.... fuckin raptor
701 lacri|work <entangledphoton_> I realized when I got winded during sex that I need to quit
700 memmek2k <DrDinosaur> But lacri|work, for the Eiffel tower I thought it was going to be you pegging entangledphoton_ while he sucked me off...
699 lacri|work <Amantis> TRIGGER WARNING: hey, my gandma was killed in a sock darning acident
698 kitkatkaytee <Primesauce> White castle is what happens when a mcdonalds has a baby, but that baby restaurant choked on its own umbilical cord.
697 remstar <Primesauce> Yeah, I think it's easier to ask for permission for buttsecks than it is to get off of a sexual predator list.
696 PartyPat <baslisks|work> Bloog for life
695 DeliriumTremens <entangledphoton> of course the brown people think melanin is awesome...
694 timotab <derpa> lacri|work: 740 sq ft is big enough for 8 mexican men
693 timotab <axe9|work> My urine sticks to everything...
692 monkers <entangledphoton_> my two cents any woman who is with me has obtained the pinnacle of manliness
691 spif <Primesauce> I tried opening up to spotmonk once, but he didn't use any lube. What a dick.
690 timotab <Camerongilly> no holes for the nipples and I'm pretty sure the underwear has a crotch
689 funkyb <misspwn> my poatoes are almost ready to be smashed
688 memmek2k <derpa> axe9|work: i'd still pee in her butt. i just don't want to listen to the band
687 spif <Jocefus> being horny and loving wings is great, doesnt matter in the end when she turns out to be a lyin whore. Sorry, I'm still a bit bitter, can ya tell? lol.
686 dolemite8 <El Dubb> yep, sounds like you've got a recipe for the worst cookie ever
685 doctorsound|work <dolemite8> they SAY "when you're here, you're family" but they get all pissed when i walk out without paying
684 kitkatkaytee <Evin> I might have contributed, but no more than contributing the penis to a rousing exchange of vagina burritos.
683 Chank <Evin> I'd sit on the sink and watch bundtkate pee, if you know what I mean.
682 bundtkate <spotmonk> I also love entangledphoton_'s dick
681 Evin <entangledphoton_> If I am putting bacon on my dick, somebody is eating it.
680 CitizenKane <kitkatkaytee> I'm a giant nerd who smells funny
679 lacri|work <entangledphoton_> ABORTIONS FOR EVERYONE!
678 TheGodComplex <Ryxeria> cybering is wasting time I could be using to get laid.
677 Primesauce <El Dubb> on the contrary. dickbags is not a game. you aren't treating them with the respect they deserve
676 funkyb <Primephone> "That's the most fuckable corpse I've ever seen."
675 lacri|work <||cw> Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the head of the church. And Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
674 kitkatkaytee <Camerongilly> "bang like god is watching"
673 remstar <TheGodComplex> By which I'm implying it's damp, dank, and full of hairy, sweaty old men trying to get something they should've quit trying to get years ago.
672 lacri|work <Primephone> Anyone that chews gum is clearly inferior in all ways to those of us that don't .
671 Chank <DeliriumTremens> DTbot Unchained
670 spif <lacri|work> If theres anyone I would want to meet in a dark parking lot its entangledphoton /nod
669 monkers <memmek2k> derpa: it does sound like one of them,l ol
668 monkers <spif> I have more experience being able to walk away from trolling
667 lacri|work <entangledphoton> I don't mind sexing for food. I've gotta be worth at least a few burritos.
666 axe9|work <Merlin00> [11:42] Your mom is not particularly awesome
665 axe9|work <Merlin00> unfortunately for mardi gras, # of boobs seems to directly relate to # of degress
664 DeliriumTremens <spotmonk> it's the jews fault
663 lacri|meeting <DeliriumTremens> entangledphoton: semen everywhere, the other day i broke a towel in half
662 spotmonk <Primephone> Am I more gay? Like, super ultra mega gay? Like... a power ranger using a unicorn horn as a dildo gay?
661 DeliriumTremens <doctorsound|work> I can't get the smears to go away after beer either...
660 TheGodComplex <Camerongilly> If I can't find the perfect girlfriend, I can at least raise one. Spotmonk
659 TheGodComplex <baslisks> It looked like you had run what you originally meant to say through a czech translator and then back into english
658 spotmonk <Primesauce> I WANT TO BE ALL THE LADYGIRLS!
657 Jocefus <Ryxeria> also, "always jack off before making an important decision" true for women too
656 derpa <Ryxeria> I prefer to not use access to my vagina as a bargaining chip :P
655 axe9|work <Camerongilly> The hooker fluid can get cloudy.
654 funkyb <Camerongilly> The hooker needs to be replaced every 30000 miles
653 monkers <Primesauce> In the future, I assume all eyes will be lasers.
652 baslisks|work <monkers> fags.
651 monkers <lacri|work> we needs moar quotes!
650 lacri|work <Primesauce> I'm on a quest to see ALL Japanese porn. It's been... troubling...
649 memmek2k <lacri|work> I'm okay with tentacles and dickgirls.
648 timotab <Primesauce> lacri|work, you clearly haven't watched enough Japanese porn!
646 spif <entangledphoton_> I killed my neighbor the other day for a 256 MB flash drive
645 entangledphoton_ <kitkatkaytee> There was a lot of touching in the dark that night
644 funkyb <lacri|work> you are always broken monkers.
643 lacri|work <misspwn> I WAS THE ONE who got peed on directly
642 remstar <spotmonk> if you like things in your butt it's no big deal. I've had a couple
641 remstar <spotmonk> I've ejaculated in a number of mouths over the years
640 lacri|work <dolemite8> jesus shaves
639 DeliriumTremens <lacri|work> it's not a shower without beer
638 laoks <baslisks|work> I like submissive bitches
637 TheGodComplex <spif> when a pretty girl that I trust says drink this, I do it
636 spif <TheGodComplex> I just haven't started sticking my tongue in them yet
635 lacri|work <entangledphoton> That's why I don't watch any of that sinful snuff. I stick with the family values inherent in a nice, clean pornographic film
634 soupmeister2 <spotmonk> yeah... after 8 years I learned that crying after sex was good and crying during sex was bad...
633 kitkatkaytee <baslisks> why are you narrating your masturbation?
632 ep_home <lacrimosus> use a baby, not a gerbil
631 lacrimosus <Primephone> Any time a doctor touches my junk, I squeal.
630 Chank <dolemite7> when all you have is a knife, every problem looks like a hobo
629 lacrimosus <monkers> im easy.
628 lacrimosus <baslisks> more bones to bone with
627 doctorsound <Camerongilly > That tractor is do able
626 lacrimosus <monkeypaws> sorry im an idiot
625 Chank <baslisks|work> are you into pegging?
624 lacrimosus <Primesauce> memmek2k is the cutest hepatitis!
623 memmek2k <monkers> well since no one asked i'll just tell you, my testes are feeling better today.
622 lacrimosus <Primesauce> Always put your dick in crazy.
621 kitkatkaytee <Ryxeria> vibrators are far more efficient than oral
620 dolemite7ph <misspwn> i refuse to call something with out nipples a milk product
619 lacri|work <entangledphoton> don't make me nope on your face
618 laoks|work <baslisks> I barely kind of want to just have sex and then go working on what I was working on
617 Chankster^ <lacrimosus> Chankster^ is filled with non stop action..
616 laoks <baslisks|work> see that book title could also be about vaginas with glitter
615 timotab <Camerongilly> you're going to give him a broner.
614 Chank <Evin> I'll gladly eat a bunch of pineapple and let someone suck my dick for science.
613 lacri|work <Chank> does your ass hurt?
612 lacri|work <derpa> my coworker keeps asking me not to murder him
611 doctorsound|work <timotab> I don't have any tea. So that wet sounding fart DeliriumTremens just made was not because of tea.
610 timotab <lacri|work> you never fart in a man's tea! that is sacred
609 lacri|work <entangledphoton> memmek2k has yellow sex
608 lacri|work <Evin> because I have some sort of sex kung fu grip anyway, so any lady sorts aren't going to be standing on their own anyway.
607 dolemite7 <DeliriumTremens> misspwns cigarettes are like smoking paul bunyons turds
606 kitkatkaytee <lacri|work> they do have those vibrator races
605 lacri|work <DeliriumTremens> the dad "Hey! Hey!!!"
604 soupmeister <spotmonk> lapper is cash nigga!
603 timotab <Primesauce> Oh Felicia Day. You can make even my cold heart a bit warmer.
602 rinalyn <Primesauce> entangledphoton, how is it not common knowledge yet that I always lie?
601 timotab <rinalyn> That tongue thing he does makes me uncomfortable.
600 timotab <Primesauce> Gods damn it, aliens! Just let me kill you without firing back!
599 timotab <kitkatkaytee> TIL that people take stealth boob pictures of me.
598 timotab <Primesauce> Show him your boobs. That always works to woo the boys
597 timotab <soupmeister> I'm never having a birthday ever again. It's too much stress.
596 lacri|work <axe9|work> All men are utterly stupid, and unobservant... just reach down and grab it if you want to activate the mating ritual.
595 lacri|work <entangledphoton> You like the virgin nog?
594 Chankster^ <kitkatkaytee> You guise just like grabbing me, don't you?
593 Chankster^ <kitkatkaytee> Wait, I can be blocked from being grabbed?
592 lacr|work <entangledphoton> DeliriumTremens: I will newb so hard all over you
591 timotab <DeliriumTremens> i think the most important thing to take away from this is timotab got laid!
590 rinalyn <entangledphoton> You know, I suppose a bit more thrusting never hurt anyone.
589 timotab <rinalyn> soupmeister: When you say "so far" it makes me think of the sexually charged p90x dude
588 timotab <soupmeister> I wanna be in a trunk. I've never been in a trunk.
587 timotab <baslisks> yeah, the only thing I can do here is to get drunk fat and flirt with either way too skinny of girls or just over the edge of chubby cuteness
586 doctorsound <lacrimosus> soupmeister > naked women
585 timotab <spotmonk> I won't sleep with people who won't sleep with me
584 timotab <lacrimosus> spotmonk gets more play than anyone else, but that seems to be because he pretty has no standards
583 soupmeister <doctorsound> Your mom cums in a gallon tub.
582 timotab <DeliriumTremens> the glass breaking is what made me poop
581 lacrimosus <youlysses> I'm tired of all this god damn shit in these god damn bowels!
580 lacri|work <soupmeister> ORGY ME EL DUBB, ORGY ME NOW
579 lacri|work <Primephone> Ah! My eyes! I need them fer peeping!
578 derpa <baslisks|work> I challenge you to an ass off
577 entangledphoton <lacri|work> entangledphoton has a very nice ass for a guy
576 timotab <entangledphoton> humping should be fine
575 entangledphoton <lacri|work> you have to be part human to be a muggle.. i'm all robot baby
574 rinalyn <entangledphoton> TIL: dating requirements for rinalyn has cat, watches Dr. Who, no facial hair and is dumb enough to get trapped
573 axe9|work <misspwn> like you have your standard gays but he's deff a power bottom he backs it up
572 rinalyn <NetPrime> But I'm a power bottom. I generate all the power.
571 lacri|work <NetPrime> I love butt piracy.
570 Chank <baslisks|work> just because there are black people does not make it scary
569 memmek2k <rinalyn> Whoah, I'm not racist.
568 timotab <dolemite7> a ford cli taurus?
567 doctorsound|work <Primesauce> I didn't say he's retarded, he's just not fully a person yet. He's like a person intern. All children are people interns.
566 lacri|work <memmek2k> Chank is built like a stack of half dollar coins
565 lacri|work <Primesauce> Death by penises.
564 Chankster^ <misspwn> i felt liek a complete tool
563 memmek2k <soupmeister> I think like derpa
562 derpa <lacri|work> its just like the big wheel on price is right.. but with more penetration
561 lacri|work <Primesauce> But I need those bitches...
560 DeliriumTremens <axe9|work> There are a LOT of jews on This American Life....
558 doctorsound <Primesauce> Yeah, but how are we going to fit all that granola into one VCR?
557 memmek2k <lacri|work> my butt hurts.. so bad.. why have I done this to myself?
556 DeliriumTremens <girk|work> I dated a 14 year old when I was 16 and it was positively scandalous
555 timotab <axe9|work> memmek2k: It sounds interesting... and I like meat and fat things.
554 lacrimosus <entangledphoton_> I was not inside a woman yesterday! I swear an oath on it
552 Chankster^ <Primesauce> I don't ask for a lot, entangledphoton_. I'm a pretty easy guy to please. All I asked was for one text, from you, while you were inside of a woman. And you, sir, agreed to this request. The fact that I did not get said text brings our entire friendship into question.
551 lacrimosus <baslisks|space> lacrimosus, I pretty much don't have many other thoughts about other things. Except if its fish, jazz, and maybe boobs.
550 timotab <spotmonk> Wait... Why am I spotmonk
549 lacrimosus <DeliriumTremens> i like to poop back and fourth forever
548 spotmonk <spif> yeah I have a plan for wrapping it
547 timotab <spotmonk> all DeliriumTremens sees at work is ballsacks
546 timotab <derpa> timotab: i have a 7 inch taint
545 DeliriumTremens <BaronVonJoe> Nice. What level do I have to be to get red font?
544 lacri|work <entangledphoton> I would go down on a chocolate dong
543 entangledphoton <misspwn> no i do not have a penis inside my butt that i pee out of. we've been over this kid _
542 dolemite7 <funkyb> lolol ain't no place I've ever heard of, they speak l337 in lolol?
541 misspwn <lacri|work> I am always slow
540 Cephalus <misspwn> i love a good circle jerk
539 spif <entangledphoton> I may find it gross at first, but I'm sure some chicks feel the same about swallowing. If the worst I have to deal with a few hours of the equivalent of "cum burps" I can eat some bugs.
538 dolemite7 <lacri|work> I have SO many empty drawers that would be perfect alcohol receptacles.
537 DeliriumTremens <derpa> i'd suck on some sour patch tits
536 Primesauce <Lapper> ah, I hate colored people, so...
535 timotab <El Dubb> memmek2k's penis felt so pleasant. I think he moisturizes.
534 lacri|work <DeliriumTremens> like i was fisting insulation or something
533 timotab <kitkatkaytee> Anything that requires me to put pants on is work.
532 spif <Ryxeria> I fucking hate dermatology
531 derpa <Primephone> All anal stimulation should be extreme.
530 dolemite7 <Primephone> I bought dildos in bulk so that I'm ready for the fourth date.
529 DeliriumTremens <misspwn> sorry my penis isn't good for a tripod
528 DeliriumTremens <Merlin00> pretty cool and easy to carry
527 Chankster^ <entangled|home> I use POF only for duck hunting. A buddy of mine and I have deal, every chick with see with duck face gets a message that just says, "bang!". If she replies it is a hit. The most hits at the end of the week gets a free beer
526 doctorsound <willisnutz43> i don't trust anything without an on/off switch either
525 axe9|rollinrolli <timotab> is it just me or does that band name sound more like Wand Erection?
524 spotmonk <entangledphoton_> derpa: because we brought and did shots from a two foot dong last night?
523 entangledphoton <memmek2k> I'm not sure what to really think about a bunch of theoretically straight guys talking about my penis.
522 lacrimosus <Cephalus|Library> with spotmonk, is the buttsex ever a surprise?
520 memmek2k <axe9|Work> why not buy a cat dildo
519 funkyb <DeliriumTremens> surely miralax will be a little less...intrusive
518 spif <Gypsy_Biscuit> saying if I can sleep on a friends easyboy just sounds creepy
517 memmek2k <derpa> i have an inherent problem with the "no touching" rule at strip clubs
516 entangledphoton <lacrimosus> and entangledphoton's penis grew 3 sizes that day. And then the true meaning of Christmas came through
515 Primesauce <entangledphoton> I found one without penis!
514 lacrimosus <Primesauce> Yeah, you can't show too much penis at once. You've gotta be a tease with the penis. Let her see some, but make her wanna see more.
513 spif <Primesauce> "So, I saw you like Dr. Who. That got me wondering, do you anal?"
512 spif <lacrimosus> "do you in the butt"?
511 memmek2k <misspwn> tell her to come over with a jacket and a bow over her vagina
510 TheGodComplex <DeliriumTremens> only cats want to rub my junk ;_;
509 dolemite7 <spotmonk> there could be underage prostitutes having inbred cat sex there DeliriumTremens
508 spotmonk <TheGodComplex> I don't mind prostitution.
507 lacrimosus_ <Primephone> I'm gonna burgle lacrimosus so hard.
506 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> Sup girl, u look sexy. I drive a Jetta, what's your instagram?
505 entangledphoton <DeliriumTremens> last night was just "wake up wake up wake up im horny wake up"
504 misspwn_ <DeliriumTremens> then she was all like "GET IN MY VAGINA"
503 funkyb <axe9|work> DeliriumTremens: You and I are on the same wavelength sometime, freaks me the fuck out
502 DeliriumTremens <entangledphoton> spotmonk: I think my coming depends on how good you are at eating the asshole?
501 memmek2k <spotmonk> yes... nipples are how deaf people hear. Seems legit to me
500 DeliriumTremens <entangledphoton> I have learned in my days that there are never too many dicks.
499 derpa <DeliriumTremens> the long ballsack of the law
498 DeliriumTremens <phenobarbidoll> work|endearing: they make those undies so guys with long ballsacks won't get them twisted in the fly.
497 lacrimosus <Primephone> I would name him Albert Gatorsburg.
496 spif <Ryxeria> I am frequently naked
495 entangledphoton <misspwn> I also find entangledphoton to be the sexiest
494 lacrimosus <DeliriumTremens> a turkey baster filled to the brim with miniature turkey basters
493 axe9|work <spotmonk> Ryxeria's arrival makes me have to poop as well
492 timotab <DeliriumTremens> I just realized I might be channeling LeDucky, excuse me while I go eat this cyanide capsule.
491 lacrimosus <timotab> which do you prefer? vagina flavoured summer sausage or summer sausage flavoured vagina?
490 timotab <entangledphoton> How large is your penis? It's about 1.2 memmek2ks
489 memmek2k <derpa> and the other half is is erect penis...
488 spif <lacrimosus> you're just upset that you can't participate in the dicking since you've lost yours!
487 spif <Primephone> You're getting awfully cocky now that you've acquired my dick, lacrimosus!
486 spif <Primephone> lacrimosus wants to put my dick into her dickbox.
485 spif <CheeseMonkies> retarded as in slowed
484 doctorsound <spif> Gnu brind thad bag
483 timotab <spotmonk> Snuck that in in time
482 Primesauce <lacrimosus> big.. thinger
481 lacrimosus <t_toughnuts> "Look, lady.. I don't know who you think you are, but you can't have your fucking nose back."
480 spif <Primesauce> POOP COMES FROM THERE!
479 spif <CheeseMonkies> I would like to point out that not only uneducated hypocritical people like playing with poop holes. That is all.
478 lacrimosus <doctorsound> Primephone, pruposterous!
477 timotab <kitkatkaytee> No, it's not a euphimism. There were math and verbs involved.
476 doctorsound <Primephone> I'm completely normal.
475 spif <Primephone> etoh would be the shortened version of ethanol, while I've seen methanol shortened as mtoh and meoh. (I prefer meoh because I can pronounce it meow)
474 spif <spotmonk> I think the idea of me and pegging gave DTbot pause
473 spif <spotmonk> in my butt... I'm cool with. in their butt, less so
472 lacrimosus <endearingnoises2> I want to see Rihanna's other boob
471 DeliriumTremens <Primephone> My guess is that my dad took it. I think he was always jealous of my hammer.
470 spif <spotmonk> minus the drug dealing bit
469 spotmonk <spif> well I look forward to serving you
468 spif <derpa> a fish, tits, a fish with tits, titty fish
467 spif <derpa> a titty fish?
466 soupmeister <poisomike87> I think I will grab another 22 inch one on black friday
465 spif <DeliriumTremens> I dont want poopdick
464 spif <sira> ANAL obviously
463 lacri|yar <Primesauce> I'll put a huge turkey in sira's oven.
462 lacri|yar <spif> premature methane release
460 poisomike87away <poisomike87> ok be back later peace
459 spif <phenobarbidoll> Primesauce: I will DO jazzhands all over your face!
458 entangledphoton <Primesauce> Sex is like a race. Whoever finishes first wins.
457 lacri|work <Primesauce> If someone sent me a ninja turtle invite, I would go to whatever it was. Doesn't matter if it's an invite to a gay orgy, or to some organ harvesting party, it's a ninja turtle invite, so I'm there.
456 lacri|work <entangledphoton> derpa: homMosexual roBot
455 spif <entangledphoton> Having sex while chatting on IRC
454 spif <lacri|work> now I just don't understand why she is caressing her own boob
453 spif <Primesauce> lacri|work is apparently too nice to shove everyone's face in her sexy times.
452 DeliriumTremens <misspwn> i only bleach it for three people and one of them is god
451 lacri|spellcheck <toughnuts_workin> to me, the quality of a work day is determined by number of successful poops on the clock
450 DeliriumTremens <girk|work> non lacrisauce You're not scrawny enough for me, I like a man I can break
449 lacri|spellcheck <non lacrisauce> I'm the gooiest.
448 lacri|notworking <work|endearing> yeah, by the time I finally decide I'm ready for a kid I'll only have retarded sperm left
447 spif <Primesauce> Everyone else would get all emotional about having to kill another human being. And I don't want to deal with being killed by someone while they're all emotional.
446 lacri|notworking <derpa> sira: actually, Primesauce and i have a deal. if he lives to 35, i get to kill him
445 lacri|meeting <sira> i didn't want to say fist a potato...
444 Cephalus|Library <El Dubb> that's still a dumb thing to quote
443 TheGodComplex <misspwn> you just shaddup your whore mouth
442 spif <spotmonk> I'm unemployed... I can't afford a golden shoewr
441 spif <TheGodComplex> Brojobs is blowjobs if you're a racially stereotyped asian.
440 spif <Primesauce> Hahah, you tried to grap me.
439 misspwn_ <Primesauce> That's also why entangledphoton loves brojobs so much. Because, seriously, who knows what feels good on a penis better than another dude?
438 timotab <entangledphoton> that was a long grab
437 timotab <entangledphoton> Well, I have hands. I am really good at doing things to my penis with them. I would wager I am better at it than anyone else who is going to get all handsy with it, so if a handy is all that is in store I will take care of that myself
436 funkyb <DeliriumTremens> Cephalis is basically Judge Judy.
435 derpa <spotmonk> my balls are on your beard
434 lacri|work <derpa> at least it's not a rape ghost
433 lacri|work <work|endearing> at least your regret formed a temple and not something like a giant dick shaped guillotine... and smegma
431 Primesauce <lacri|work> this seems suspisciously like a trap.. a delicious sausage filled ttrap..
430 spif <CheeseMonkies> And shit it was, golden shit.
429 DeliriumTremens <Primesauce> Anyway, this beer is not going to start the shower and drink itself inside of the shower, so I've got to take care of things if I plan to make it to trivia.
428 timotab <doctorsound> Well, it always happens when you yeast expect it.
427 timotab <memmek2k> I'm waiting for liz to tell me she's been tricking me all this time and that I'm really, really bad at anatomy
426 lacri|worky <Ryxeria> and then I get laid, so bonus
425 memmek2k <Evin> Just get some of those tub crayons they make for kids and make the drain look like a butthole, then aim for it.
424 Evin <work|endearing> I'm now cracking up at the thought of me furiously masturbating, tears pouring from my eyes, in a ruthless race against the pain
423 lacri|worky <dolemite7> SMOKEY BUTTHOLE JUICES
422 DeliriumTremens <El Dubb> blue oval bitches
421 derpa <GROSSsauce> I'm the worst homosexual ever.
420 spotmonk <derpa> hey, i like hookers
419 spif <GROSSnoises> DeliriumTremens I watch bartenders carefully when I order a drink to make sure they keep their dicks out of it
418 spif <DeliriumTremens> People need to stop stirring their drinks with their schlongs.
417 spif <spotmonk> I... don't care if she spits or swallows... she let me ejaculate in her mouth. I'm happy
416 spif <lacri|work> ..
415 spif <GROSSphoton> I've hada cum eye becasue of that
414 GROSSsauce <derpa> as bad a blumpkinnoises?
413 spotphone <El Dubb> sobriety is amazing
412 derpa <BergyD> cats don't care about people's dicks.
411 spif <derpa> to be honest, i'm kind of surprised i haven't killed anyone yet. must have been my strict upbringing
410 lacri|work <Primesauce> misspwn, did you respond to that picture by pointing out that eagles > babies?
409 spif <DeliriumTremens> yay, i killed all humans!
408 entangledphoton <DeliriumTremens> my disease is spreading too quickly
407 timotab <DeliriumTremens> "I don't think I can do have to do this, you can't not take a's going to bleed, it's already excruciating....DO IT, come on, push!"
406 DeliriumTremens <entangledphoton> I want to lock it down so hard
405 lacri|work <unicornsprinkles> I used to think Emma Watson was really hot, but then the second Harry Potter movie came out
404 timotab <phenobarbidoll> just thought I'd throw some sodomy in there too.
403 timotab <phenobarbidoll> everyone loves being whacked with a giant horn in the forehead
401 dolemite7 <unicornsprinkles> well it's hard to concentrate on rajah and princess jasmine when there's a giant penis on the edge of my screen
400 spif <unicornsprinkles> don't you hate it when you're sliding down a rainbow through the gumdrop mountains and get glitter in your eye >
399 memmek2k <Yellowsauce> Oh, the more I ogled that nurse's phenomenal ass last night the more it started to weird me out and decided I didn't want to make a casting of it to stuff in my pants.
398 memmek2k <derpa> El Dubb: tell this cracker Primesauce|phone that he's whiter than mitt romney
397 DeliriumTremens <memmek2k> derpa: there is actually a chance we could have giant ginger babies
396 spotphone <Primesauce|phone> I've said it before, and I'll say it again. If Randall Munroe came up to me today and said "let's gay marry," I'd drop my pants immediately so that he could put a ring on my dick. I assume that's how gay proposals work.
395 timotab <DeliriumTremens> FUNKY BUTT LOVIN
394 lacri|worky <work|endearing> "paris blows and smells like pee"... til paris is a crack whore
393 lacri|worky <work|endearing> I want to fanny pack across europe
392 lacri|worky <DeliriumTremens> i did it on a sundial once
391 lacri|worky <work|endearing> lacri|worky: yo don't hate, I take my penis on fucking adventures
390 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> you get hard with all your bros, line up, and boner flex. the bro with the weakest flex buys the next round
389 DeliriumTremens <zero619> I'm not going to some naked dick lifting pizza party
388 entangledphoton <zero619> Fuck that, illusion of choice. You can either take the shit willingly, or I can give it to you forcefully.
387 derpa <DeliriumTremens> work|endearing: you're a penis bender
386 memmek2k <derpa> i could coerce some underage girls from the neighborhood to come to my lair
385 timotab <jhoppe82> ballsack
384 DeliriumTremens <breakdancingcat> fill you up for longer *
383 memmek2k <jennn> yes, I have long nails and I'm tired of raking my nails across my anus and getting bits of poo stuck under them
382 lacri|worky <spif> You went to derpa's live sex show last night?
381 derpa <work|endearing> Tell these cheeky bastards to leave their macs at home with their wool ties, hemp shoes, and unicycles. An office is a place for Business.
380 lacri|worky <spif> I'm my own grandma
379 lacri|meeting <work|endearing> Rambone: First Blood
378 Chadsauce <work|endearing> I could manage the dick
377 misspwn <girkabob> I'll go downtown on you, work|endearing
376 lacri|meeting <work|endearing> everyone is talking about my boobs, I better go get naked
375 Chank <Primesauce|phone> That will be the hidden agenda of our book club. On the surface, a nice, subtle book club, while underneath it will be a harem building society, dedicated to creating the Endearing Eight.
374 lacri|hate <work|endearing> real double penetration
373 girkabob <DeliriumTremens> work|endearing just wanders behind the counter at any coffee shop he goes to wearing a shirt that says "World's #1 Barista" in rainbow airbrush, and nobody asks any questions.
372 lacri|hate <Primephone> I don't want to live in a world that limits how many cats can live in a home. If I want a living cat carpet, then dammit I'm going to have a living cat carpet, because that's what the founding fathers wished for me.
370 spotmonk <lacri|hate> I grab everyone a lot
369 lacri|hate <derpa> makes me think i'm eating a baby
368 DeliriumTremens <bundtkate> Colors lolololol
367 timotab <derpa> Primephone: will wear cockrings though
366 lacri|work <work|endearing> so when I become rich and open my giant satanic church, people will be able to vote there?
365 Primesauce <memmek2k> Maybe I just prefer to top, and your height intimidates me.
364 lacrimosus <spif> Emu later man
363 timotab <bundtkate> But how does that travel thru everything? Also, tits. How does this factor in tits? Tits are SUPPOSED to be fat.
362 timotab <bundtkate> I try to make a point of not putting any of my appendages anywhere that poop goes.
361 dolemite7 <spif> DeliriumTremens: I'll play with your balls like a girl
360 lacri|work <misspwn> i exclusively listen to honeybadger mating calls oh wait
359 DeliriumTremens <entangledphoton> I knew a guy that did 4 whole marijuanas. He's gay now
358 spif <spotmonk> I have no explanation for half these stains
357 spif <CheeseMonkiesAtt> Because you have to go through where they make the donuts to get to the restroom.
356 lacri|bar <SoFake> and i was all like... exploring bitch, for science
355 Evin <DeliriumTremens> my mouth AND my butt are drooling
354 lacri|FOO <El Dubb> as the official representative for the 1% in this chan, I applaud Evin's decision to die off rather than burden us with his prolonged death nonsense.
353 kitkatkaytee <Evin> I don't think I'd ever be afraid of being chased by a clown. Those big floppy shoes would make it near impossible for even a Jamacian clown to catch someone.
352 lacr|fckmeetings <bundtkate> They could totally tort your vagina. And then you'd sue them for malpractice. Which is a tort.
351 lacr|fckmeetings <dolemite7> Do gynecologists ever get pap torts
350 Chank <dolemite7> ONE PIECE OF PENIS?!
349 derpa <lacr|fckmeetings> tits tend ot get in the way. plus you can get fake tits and still be anything
348 timotab <derpa> memmek2k likes meat
347 lacr|fckmeetings <Primesauce> Nazis riding dinosaurs that create gay concentration camps.
346 lacr|fckmeetings <work|endearing> "queen my hooker"
345 lacri|work <work|endearing> I don't have enough semen for both alison brie and emma watson in one day, so I can only look at one a day
344 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> but I shouldn't watch it at work because I don't feel like masturbating in the bathroom
343 doctorsound <entangledphoton> I have the weirdest boner for RAID 5
342 timotab <doctorsound> I got it bangin' on my 12" over here. I hope the neighbors don't mind, I'm sure you can hear me outside!
341 spif <soupmeister> I DEMAND VAGINA
340 axe9|work <lacri|work> demand for vangina is too low with this crowd
339 spif <memmek2k> I don't know what you guys are on about. Clearly the answer is "why not both?" Canadian bacon bacon pizza, for example, is the shit
338 memmek2k <spif> much like butt holes, families are meant to be tight
337 dolemite7 <entangledphoton> I just celebrated all over my huggies
335 spotmonk <Chank> im just the guy that fucks your mother
334 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> throw the brick through their window and write your ip address on the sidewalk in semen
333 kitkatbear <work|endearing> it was like petting angel pubes
332 DeliriumTremens <entangledphoton> My fly is down for at least half an hour after every time I poop
331 timotab <misspwn> she lactates period blood
330 timotab <DeliriumTremens> was hoping for vibe
329 entangledphoton| <jennn> When Primesauce was in your outfit I tried to blow in his ass to see if he could feel it. I don't think he could. He then fingered himself to find the hole.
328 work|endearing <jennn> entangledphoton: Sorry I ripped a bigger hole in your ass Saturday night.
327 spotmonk <lacrimosus> Yea I joked about going as a stripper, but then everyone stole my costume.
326 entangledphoton <notwork|endearin> DeliriumTremens: what about you? did you go with the tampon?
325 entangledphoton| <notwork|endearin> I'm really glad I fit in this skirt
324 timotab <mcpherrin> timotab: but don't worry, I'll be happy.
323 timotab <breakdancingcat> someone pinged me for my genitals?
322 timotab <DeliriumTremens> i havent touched my pi in like 4 hours
321 Spotmonk <JoeBiden> That's a big fucking deal
320 lacrimosus <BenSpotmonk> because daddy like poker and drinks lot of beer, then likes to have sex that involves mommy's rear
319 timotab <spotmonk> daddy like rubbing against little boys on the bus
318 timotab <spotmonk> I'm not cool with people squeezing my bananana from the bottom
317 axe9|work <entangledphoton> work|endearing you have been grabbed more than boyscout in a seminary lately.
316 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> I would put more than ointment in my ass for $3,500
315 entangledphoton <soupmeister> Boobie bars buff breast breatheability
314 lacri|work <work|endearing> Aqua: how wet are you right now?
313 timotab <misspwn> i don't want your poop dick
312 dolemite7 <Primesauce> I once talked about tentacle porn with my old manager and another coworker for an hour.
311 lacri|work <Evin> I got your 12" extender right here.
310 derpa <work|endearing> "Laugh tracks are like if you watched a porno and heard a bunch of men moaning in the background when something dirty happened to let you know it was time to masturbate."
309 soupmeister <jennn> the point was, you can't substitue a toothbrush for a tampon for masturbation.
308 timotab <work|endearing> talking about fruit bats, concentration camps, and men breast feeding
307 axe9|work2 <work|endearing> or just a doormat with a giant picture of a dick that says "I knew I'd get you on my cock eventually"
306 lacri|work <work|endearing> I'm an expert in the area after watching 8 seasons of Bones, starring that guy from Angel
305 timotab <work|endearing> I think you would get much better sex if the guy were sober
304 derpa <kitkatkaytee> People, STOP GRABBING ME
303 work|endearing <kitkatkaytee> I dont wanna grab that. Not enough semen.
299 derpa <Evin> just get soup to trim his pubes.
298 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> nsfw i guess: girls should only have anal sex
297 Evin <work|endearing> it might be semen
296 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> yeah, I'll come
295 entangledphoton <Evin> if I'm not working and I get blown, suddenly I'll do anything.
294 DeliriumTremens <Jeroboam> apparently i look like gay porn
293 entangledphoton <Evin> look, open mouth, insert penis, nod, then nod some more
292 kitkatkaytee <memmek2k> I can't just turn away. it's not everyday you get to see kitkatkaytee's penis
291 entangledphoton <derpa> an asian looking at wangs... no surprise there...
290 lacri|worky_ <axe9|meeting> Skynet WILL come from apple...
289 timotab <EVIN> it's when two guys take their penises, head to head, one circumsized and one uncircumsized, and the uncircumsized guy uses his foreskin as a jacket and jerks them both off at the same time.
287 axe9|work <dolemite8> krispy kreme blueballs
286 kitkatkaytee <Primesauce> God dammit, reddit. God. Fucking. Dammit.
285 DeliriumTremens <misspwn_> i wana skank you so hard
284 axe9|work <entangledphoton> TIL: tone is DT's mom
283 derpa <work|endearing> want to come over and sit in front of the fireplace shirtless while we read gadget fanfics?
282 spotmonk <entangledphoton> it's not selfish to want to get laid. I want to get laid for the benefit of womankind!
281 work|endearing <DeliriumTremens> that wasn't the wind, that was the "shhhhh" of spotmonks lips as he placed the rag over timotabs face
280 derpa <Evin> derpa's abortion clinic and pizzeria, your loss is our sauce!
279 memmek2k <Merlin00> I wouldn't say I'm 'pro' abortion, but I'm pretty handy with a coat hanger
278 dolemite7 <work|endearing> If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, can I have a blowjob
277 girkabob <derpa> took a little work, but i got it in
276 spotmonk <lacri|work> speaking of which. I want a Suck It 2012 shirt :(
275 kitkatkaytee <spotmonk> and did not abduct children while I worked there
274 Chank <entangledphoton> That's the power of pine sol, baby
273 axe9|work <god> derpa you are damned
272 axe9|work <work|endearing> if there were a disease similar to chickenpox where little itchy dicks grew all over your body, would it be called dickpox or chickendicks?
271 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> I hate boobs
270 soupmeister <Chank> bergyd: yea i fixed it, DT was munching on the periods
269 derpa <dolemite7> smells like someone set a samsquanch on fire in here
268 kitkatkaytee <entangledphoton> she keeps her penis in her leg warmers
267 derpa <Evin> one does not kick with their arms.
266 timotab <spotmonk> Kevin, please come over for gay sex
265 axe9|work <derpa> anyone want to go to the red light part of town with me? bring a roll of pennies
264 DeliriumTremens <Evin> that's why mine is so big.
263 memmek2k <spotmonk> always fapping... lubeless... never getting off
262 spotmonk <Primesauce> being creepy is really out of character for spotmonk.
261 DeliriumTremens <soupmeister> I once saw a donkey being walked in there as I was driving by. Just kidding. I wasn't driving by. I was the donkey.
260 timotab <work|endearing> the dancing midget in a red suit talking backwards mind fucked me so hard
259 DeliriumTremens <entangledphoton> Ah yes, Monday night figure skating. I can't wait
257 DeliriumTremens <spotmonk> I'm never getting prostate cancer thanks to masturbation
256 lacr|meeting <DeliriumTremens> either way your butthole is going to hurt
255 dolemite7 <kitkatkaytee> I dont even know what in n out is
254 entangledphoton <memmek2k> RIP George Carlin
253 entangledphoton <derpa> damn you Evin, look what you've done. You've made entangledphoton horngry...
252 lacri|work <work|endearing> being raped by a clowns is the most terrifying thing imaginable
251 derpa <Kitkatkt|work> Cute guy who comes in everyday for coffee finally called me miss! He wants my dick!
250 Jocefus KC <derpa> ask me about my weiner!
249 dolemite7 <derpa> Taco Neck Syndrome
246 kitkatkaytee <axe9|work> derpa: I get like that too sometimes.. and then when I finish being tired and sad for no reason, I wanna hump everything with boobs
245 DeliriumTremens <bundtkate> I imagined that as me with a jar of random bugs and just jumping out from behind DT's kitchen counter and kamehameha ing him with the contents of said jar. He swallowed a centipede.
244 lacri|work <Evin> In the city, it's a hobo. In the woods, it's a bear dressed like a hobo.
243 Chank <work|endearing> I've been married for 15 years and have 3 kids but there's just no passion in my marriage anymore. About a month ago while on a business trip, I was miserable and sex deprived. There was this coworker with me that I had grown close to... she is young, laughs at my jokes. One night we had a few drinks and I installed an aimbot.
242 axe9|work <Evin> I installed an aimbot sounds like you gave her a tramp stamp.
241 entangledphoton <work|endearing> when you become erect, it's just a stiff, lifeless pterodactyl
240 derpa <Evin> The only thing shorter than his memory is his robo penis.
239 funkyb <Primesauce> FUCK MY FINGERS
237 lacri|work <spotmonk> the radio people told me I wasn't allowed to touch her
236 DeliriumTremens <work|endearing> are there any experts on gay dating here?
235 spotmonk <DeliriumTremens> because i dont want to fuck you!
234 spotmonk <Chank> timotab: solution dont use colons
233 memmek2k <kitkatkaytee> I'd bone memmek2k if I was a male
232 spotmonk <derpa> El Dubb: is a sassy black lady with REALLY BIG ARMS
231 derpa <hobbbz> chicken and egg problem, to get one lumpy and green you need more sex
230 funkyb <axe9|work> cause like... I'll try to brush it one way, but it just goes straight up because it's short... and then I rage...
229 work|endearing <entangledphoton> spotmonk a god we can believe in!
228 Primesauce <spotmonk> and the only thing I respond favorably to in bed is God ; )
227 lacri|work <spotmonk> and if someone says my name in bed I'm all "who the fuck are you?.... oh that's me!"
226 axe9|work <spotmonk> this escalated quickly
225 dolemite7 <StosselJohn> The trick to steeping tea is to cut the bag open and eat the leaves directly.
224 axe9|home <Primesauce> I love me some whores on prom night
223 kitkatkaytee <soupmeister> May I just point out kitkatkaytee just raped the president with a knife?
222 DeliriumTremens <lacri|work> i think MCR is our generation's Queen, it's more grand scale performance art than a band.
220 spotmonk <soupmeister> DeliriumTremens: Fuck you. I can't believe I ever thought you are the most handsome and nicest guy on the planet. I was obviously wrong, and you are ugly and mean. >:(
218 Evin <misspwn> i'll shake my penis pouch around
217 soupmeister <DeliriumTremens> I hope you stood at the door thrusting your hips VERY SLIGHTLY so the lady would walk away wondering if she was imagining that you had 1) a penis pouch and 2) if you were thrusting it
216 funkyb <marjorie> we shall plan the orgy soon enough
215 kitkatkaytee <KC Jocefus> kitkatkaytee I can say one thing, we are better looking than the people in the baltimore reddit group
214 lacri|work <spot|work> I'm not into ICP... I'm just into sodomy
213 timotab <spot|work> are we dating? are we fucking? are we best friends? are we soemthing in between that? I wish we never fucked and I mean that. But not really, you say the nastiest shit in bed and it's fuckin awesome
211 kitkatkaytee <derpa> you can drink while you practice, and not have to worry about getting up to pee
210 derpa <spot|work> then again... most women to me are intangible
209 derpa <spot|work> spot|work plug in your mom
208 derpa <DeliriumTremens> my battery goes down faster than spot|works mom
207 lacri|worky <derpa> I e c sandwiches!
206 derpa <dolemite7> charmin heavy flow
205 derpa <DeliriumTremens> you have to treat your butthole with respect
204 Evin <kitkatkaytee> I wanna be crotch. Can I be crotch?
203 lacri|worky <derpa> TIL spot|work will bone anything. Pulse optional.
202 lacri|worky <entangledphoton> Visiting_STL: I'm not a chick, but for a couple hundred bucks I'll give you a memorable night. ; )
201 DeliriumTremens <Evin> Women are meant to be seen, not heard.
200 dolemite7 <Primesauce> I am a man of science, Evin. It's my job to experiment with what does and does not work when being put into Lapper's butt.
199 soupmomster <momsauce> I love momnoises
198 memmek2k|work <work|endearing> turns out there is semen all over primesauce's car
197 lacri|meeting <Primesauce> Can I also do nudes? And can I be covered in pigs blood during the nude photos?
196 timotab <DeliriumTremens> fucking fuck shit ass fuck
195 Tiroch <axe9|work> You need to zest the hookers before you boil them... it releases the flavor
194 DeliriumTremens <spot|work> i can taste your sweat in my mouth want to suck your blood
193 Evin <Chank> TIL Evin has supple breasts
192 derpa <Primesauce> memmek2k looks like he'd want to cuddle out his differences with someone.
191 misspwn <timotab> oh my, DeliriumTremens, what a big trunk you have.
190 dolemite7 <DeliriumTremens> endearingnoises: did your coworkers keep asking if you wanted to come over on Saturday night for some cornhole?
189 Chank <Evin> anyway, I'm out like Pee Wee's dick in that porno theater.
188 DeliriumTremens <Tiroch> you want meat, alright, hold on
187 Chank <misspwn> i flip myself back and fourth
186 dolemite7 <misspwn> i fucking love protein in my mouth
185 DeliriumTremens <StosselJohn> I hope that when my mind is in its infinite final spin during my death, at least some small portion of the expanse created by my dying mind is dedicated to playing darts and hanging out with DT
184 timotab <derpa> flash your cunt to someone. that might make you feel better
183 timotab <jennn_> My vagina always runs the mens off.
182 DeliriumTremens <SneakyPhil> fucking dongles
181 kitkatkaytee <spot|work> I'd toddle for kitkatkaytee's milk
180 spot|work <SneakyPhil> excuse me, samsquantch
179 DeliriumTremens <doctorsound> Covered in dicks
178 breakdancingcat <dolemite7> my cornhole is cracked and wizzled like clint eastwood's face
177 funkyb <derpa> i don't think dolemite7's cornhole regrets anything
176 spotmonk <DeliriumTremens> breakdancingcat: i dont own DTbot
175 Tiroch <Primesauce> I'm clearly a bigot.
174 timotab <Amantis> Well I'm not gonna rub that
173 DeliriumTremens <timotab> cumboxers
172 memmek2k|work <spot|work> it'd be nice if I could end up with someone without a dick tonight though
171 memmek2k|work <spot|work> I totally won't be able to pick up even gay guys tonight
170 lacri|work <DeliriumTremens> bologna and spam are twins
169 DeliriumTremens <dolemite7> "Peachy Creamy scented vibrating jelly assholes"
168 funkyb <DeliriumTremens> I want to bed your mom memmek2k|work
167 El Dubb <doctorsound> I'd go gay for a guy who "bred" raptors....
166 derpa <timotab> you can do your mom at
165 funkyb <spotmonk> after 2 days of being on time, even early... I'm back to my ways of being super late
164 derpa <funkyb> Wednesday? It's racism day!
163 entangledphoton <derpa> DeliriumTremens: we all know it's not the first time you've seen a large black man with his pants down
162 derpa <spotmonk> I think if girls didn't wear pants I'd be all hannibal lecter style slurping at random pussy
161 derpa <entangledphoton> that was going to say tats, but I think tatas is also appropriate
160 lacri|work <spot|work> I'd poke both of you guys all night long
159 derpa <entangledphoton> Everybody is doing work. And I'm just sitting here masticating.
158 funkyb <spot|work> and lift me up like the pretty princess I am
157 entangledphoton <spotmonk> You catching your wrists on her vagina teeth?
156 derpa <Evin> leave it to the asian to instantly launch into the "size doesn't matter" line.
155 spotphone <derpa> didn't tab it
154 derpa <Evin> I get grabbed in here more often than a blacked out cheerleader on prom night.
153 derpa <Evin> It's always penis with that girl/ladyboy.
151 derpa <derpa> i like my women like i like my microwaves cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and will kill any baby i put inside her
150 monkers <Evin> I like my coffee like I like my women, artificially sweet and with a decent amount of fat.
149 monkers <derpa> fuck me
148 monkers <derpa> even more than i normally want to choke babies
147 entangledphoton <derpa> i consider dating an asian girl like a lease. i get a new model every few years to avoid the whole aging instantly situation
146 timotab <Evin> I think that's just a ploy. DT just wants someone to rub his boobs.
145 KimLee <memmek2k> see, if I symbolically consume my negative emotions, then it puts me in control of them.
144 lacrimosus <derpa> it's like a hooker with no nipples
143 Tiroch <derpa> Ryxeria: i think that white people and brown people should get together an make beautiful beige babies
142 Tiroch <memmek2k|work> (10:26:40 AM) memmek2k|work: I'm fully asian stereotyped, I win
141 derpa <Evin> porn start, that's called a fluffer.
140 entangledphoton <spot|work> I'd give a blowjob for a $3k laptop
139 derpa <Evin> a nutural location? What, like a peanut farm?
138 Tiroch <Evin> Who would throw away this perfectly good banana peel?
137 funkyb <igotcandy> dirty old man luring innocent kids
136 kitkatkaytee <doctorsound> Everytime she does that I can only imagine a little lost kitkat wandering around her empty apartment.
135 spot|work <DeliriumTremens> "I don't need to stick my P in a V, I just want to B my L on someones T's"
134 Evin <girk|work> I'll pay 17 bucks to have that put in my butt so I don't see it
133 jennn <spot|work> you eat my meat, you'll get a mouthful of pudding
132 dolemite7 <DeliriumTremens> TeenyTinyBeats by Pediatrician Dre
131 derpa <Evin> TIL asians spend a lot of time setting tables upright.
130 derpa <spotmonk> my cunt is peformance art
129 lacri|work <spotmonk> an hour? I could do soo many hookers and blows in an hour
128 lacri|work <misspwn_> we did bundtkate also but just the tip
127 kitkatkaytee <entangledphoton> time to ogle scantily clad young ladies and eat dubious chicken products
126 timotab <rubikscubefreak> jennn: it was fabulous! way more energetic than last month's.
125 DeliriumTremens <breakdancingcat> sucks having it in my face
124 DeliriumTremens <girk|work> Gonna scoot all over like a dog with an itchy butt, DeliriumTremens
123 lacrimosus <spotmonk> I'll void the fuck out of your face
122 Tiroch <misspwn> he's in vegas i can do whatever i want!
121 funkyb <drunkKaytee> im drunk, done frinking. not same at all
120 lacrimosus <Primesauce> jewy magic is hard
119 kitkatkt|postal <DeliriumTremens> he consults his penis into chinese chicks
118 funkyb <soupmeister> NAG NAG, fucking NAG
117 memmek2k <spotmonk> you know breakdancingcat... if you didn't put them in your mouth they probably wouldn't come out your mouth like that
116 timotab <spotmonk> fuck it! going to handlebar by myself to go whale hunting. Let's see if I can stick my spear in a large white mammal
115 DeliriumTremens <funkyb|dunk> o of course dunk
114 funkyb|dunk <DeliriumTremens> oh my how he has grown since from his first half beer to drinking shots left and right like a baws
113 rubikscubefreak <memmek2k> When done in prison, the reciever is dominant; the one doing it is submissive. 
112 memmek2k <spotmonk> I didn't do my enema... she's not down for that
111 axe9 <derpa> i feel that i should have killed another human being by this time in my life. i feel like i'm missing out on something grand.
110 spotmonk <entangledphoton> kitkatkaytee I'm in if I can cop a middle school sideboob feel. :P
109 axe9 <derpa> nfrared is a bitch kitkatkaytee
107 axe9 <soupmeister> I /really/ fucking want a corndog.
106 funkyb <Chank> you'd eat the shit out of scooby snacks if anyone gave you some
105 Chank <soupmeister> This is one small post for DTbot, one giant leap for botkind.
104 Chank <funkyb> and we can't be leaving no bitches unswooned
103 Chank <DeliriumTremens> If Penthouse is a brand new lexus sitting in front of your 7 bedroom mansion, then Roxy's is the rusted out 73 chevy on cinder blocks behind the burned down trailor at the edge of town
101 axe9 <bundtkate> I feel my life would be improved if John Candy were the answer to every question.
100 timotab <bundtkate> Less floppy and more runny.
99 soupmeister <DeliriumTremens> your mom is gross
98 soupmeister <entangledphoton> your mom is a droopy cunt
97 soupmeister <Chank> i was just amazed that she called my penis fancy
96 soupmeister <bundtkate> I'd like to see you and your fancy penis solve them! :P
95 memmek2k|work <dolemite7> i wanna have tree seeds pounded up my ass and planted in a star wars blanket
94 funkyb <Evin> that'll be the deepest inside another man he's ever been.
93 Tiroch <dolemite7> wherever you're coming from, you leave the jokes there
92 funkyb <derpa> and when you smash them, lazerchickens and shit pop out with parachutes and start laying waste to everything in sight
91 kiki|CWEwork <jennn> beware the nails though. I hate it when they tear through the paper and rake your anus.
90 derpa <jennn> wipe better for a more comfortable feeling
89 derpa <Chank> sira's mom has stopping power
88 doctorsound <kitkatkt|DnD> Primesauce is the prettiest
87 funkyb|eeees <endearing|work> do the dots around the rape make it legitimate?
86 funkyb <axe9|work> My fiance is not nerdy at all... but I want her to get nerdy friends so she assimilates faster...
85 funkyb <axe9|work> Things that amuse me: the word queef
84 kitkatkt|nom <endearing|work> I want to go to a furry party dressed as elmer fudd
83 DeliriumTremens <endearing|work> I can't think of a better way to start the day than a little piss in the face
82 Evin <kitkatkaytee> I need to stop picking up guise at
81 spotmonk <breakdancingcat> i will masturbate all september long
80 funkyb|pewpew <Primesauce> Cause if I'm sitting there and I lean forward to get a better look at what's on my phone, it'll sometimes think that I left and flush prematurely.
79 timotab <Cephalus> just that they were happy to give her one
78 lacrimosus <spotmonk> sled are for suckers, just ride on my gut
77 Evin <doctorsound> the best part about dating a hair stylist is that it's like being with a different chick every month
76 girkabob <Evin> nickles or gtfo
75 kitkatkaytee <dolemite7> so many rainboots, not enough strippers
74 timotab <derpa> i'd ranchero your huevos rikkirabbit
73 funkyb <El Dubb> fuck!!!!
72 Evin <rikkirabbit> You can suck my dick
71 memmek2k|work <lacrimosus> I can still be a dude
70 DeliriumTremens <rikkirabbit> Like a really thick one
69 derpa <DeliriumTremens> i'm a pretty sizable dude
68 derpa <spotmonk> oh yes! I'm inside rikkirabbit!
67 DeliriumTremens <girkabob> Flavored coffee makes Baby Jesus cry
66 DeliriumTremens <dolemite7> roly poly gang bang 4
65 spotmonk <DeliriumTremens> Crusty Punks are proof that hippies fuck dogs
64 endearingnoises <rikkirabbit> rikkiishot.exe
63 rikkirabbit <funkyb> don't take it so deep?
62 DeliriumTremens <rikkirabbit> Nigerian bankers with huge dicks
61 timotab <rikkirabbit> Ain't NOTHIN wrong with a big bulge
60 funkyb <jennn> hang on ... corn maze
59 rikkirabbit <endearingnoises> I heard that on your 30th birthday your penis shrinks by 3/4 of an inch
58 funkyb <sira> looks like im gona have to upgrade to younger DeliriumTremens
57 monkers <sira> i used to watch tornadoes from my trailer
55 funkyb <monkers> Captain planet was a left wing communist tree hugger who sent children off with black magic voodoo rings to kill job creators.
54 DeliriumTremens <Evin> Welcome to my FIST IN YOUR ANUS PRIMESAUCE
53 rikkirabbit <entangledphoton> I don't remember grabbing DeliriumTremens boner
52 funkyb <Primesauce> El Dubb, you're the only reddit person who knows how I am in bed!
51 Tiroch <Evin> I offered to give her the best 60 seconds of her life. _
50 Tiroch <DeliriumTremens> GRANDPAAAAA
49 timotab <Killsudo> Josh still has a hard on for your web interface
48 funkyb <DeliriumTremens> BIG FLOPPY DONKEY DICKS
46 dolemite7 <derpa> snoodling is like getting a hug. on your dick.
45 girkabob <DeliriumTremens> psh, i dont have any snacks
44 soupmeister <girkabob> r/stlouis is a bunch of dudes who are hapless in bed
43 Evin <soupmeister> Speaking as someone who has had a teabag break on him a few times, no... no they aren't.
42 soupmeister <jennn> yellow on the outside, discharge on the inside
41 soupmeister <jennn> I am a twinkie.
40 DeliriumTremens <Evin> I'd puke all over your dick.
39 soupmeister <soupmeister> Tiroch is probably the most dense material known to man.
38 Evin <kristy> BACK TO AMATEUR PORN I GO
37 timotab <rikkirabbit> Since my boobs are probably the same size as spot's
36 DeliriumTremens <rikkirabbit> I can't go lower than $475
35 spotmonk <Evin> if I'm spending $450 on tea, it better come with at least a handy.
33 soupmeister <Tiroch> kitkatkaytee: Its too long to fit on a single page
32 Evin <DeliriumTremens> i forget what i got, it was a black lady though
31 entangledphoton <entangledphoton> We've secretly replaced DeliriumTremens with a bee. Let's see if anyone notices.
30 entangledphoton <DeliriumTremens> "only huge boners can reach g spot"
29 soupmeister <jennn> I think spotmonk is better at punching a uterus.
28 soupmeister <misspwn> he said that they are too thick and will get thicker
27 Chank <DeliriumTremens> semen. it's semen. knew it.
26 DeliriumTremens <rikkirabbit> vs like some hardcore toddler rape
25 Chank <Evin> I don't know how wide, but it can't be as narrow as timothy made it out to be.
24 memmek2k|work <DeliriumTremens> Vagina Jennntata
23 DeliriumTremens <jennn> But I think I could squeeze him in for the morning.
22 DeliriumTremens <Primesauce> I think I was thankful for yeast the first year I started working with ethanol.
21 Evin <Primesauce> Ryxeria doesn't celebrate thanksgiving because she's still pissed that the white man took her land.
20 timotab <memmek2k|work> I am ashamed for my people and my family
19 kitkatkaytee <dolemite7> news flash: white people are dead, and we're getting the fuck out of here
18 DeliriumTremens <endearingnoises> someone's going to get murdered eventually
17 entangledphoton <timotab> it's a little swollen, and then a white goo spurts out of it.
16 Chank <DeliriumTremens> Mr. Pickles Fun Time Abortion Clinic "We'll bring out the kid in ya!"
15 spotmonk <beckalecka> I'd make you a sammich.
14 ALS2001 <bundtkate> This class is supposed to be done. It's not. I need to poop. Un. Fucking. Cool.
13 Chank <StosselJohn> For the record, I'd probably eat a beefy five layer off a guy's cock IF I knew it was clean beforehand and they were wearing a lube free condom to avoid the unsavory bits.
12 Chank <soupmeister> I Nair'd my nuts once or twice
11 Evin <StosselJohn> 1) Burrito is purchased; 2) Burrito is inserted vaginally into jennn; 3) Evin has sexual intercourse with jennn, resulting in the burrito clinging to Evin's still erect penis; 4) Evin withdraws penis from jennn; 5) Kristy consumes burrito as positioned on Evin's erect penis.
10 girkabob <doctorsound> "Josh's beard tickles my penis"
7 Chank <timotab> Evin: that's your problem, cooking feces!
6 soupmeister <jennn> he does't come as quick when he's called anymore :(
3 soupmeister <rikkitikki> You fellas impress me
2 Chankster <spotmonk> god damn I'm a creepy stalker person